Transcript
Hi there and welcome to Why Can Feedback Be So Challenging, the final section of our introduction in the Constructive Feedback at Work course.
Let’s dive in.
So throughout the course, we’ve said that feedback is challenging because human communication is challenging.
While true, let’s dig into this a bit further.
One unattributed quote that comes to mind, maybe one you are familiar with, there are variations of it but it’s something like this: “The greatest barrier to communication is the illusion that it has been achieved.” Just as feedback is all around us, so too are the assumptions we make about communications.
Even in a rather intimate one-to-one relationship, one person may feel they’ve shared something with absolute clarity at the exact moment the receiver of those words becomes more confused.
And from the perspective of the speaker, they may fall under the illusion that, indeed, communication has taken place.
Everything is clear.
But the furrowed brows of the receiver tell a different story.
This illusion, of course, spills over into feedback relationships – especially when you factor in the power dynamics that are often at play.
For example, a more senior colleague often plays the more traditional role of feedback giver.
In this dynamic, they may have built a certain confidence with their experience – where they offer feedback matter of factly, as if there can’t possibly be any other way to do something.
Meanwhile, for example, the more junior feedback receiver may be thinking more about maintaining the stability of their job rather than improvement, and they smile and nod along at those matter-of-fact words, setting out to adopt them as soon as possible.
And so here we have it – an illusion – one in which the giver thinks the wisdom they shared landed and the receiver is ready to adopt it, and yet neither party has really unpacked it much.
In essence, they were playing their roles like characters on a stage rather than digging into the nuances of their communication and ensuring mutual understanding.
Another reason workplace feedback is challenging is there’s generally a lack of feedback training offered to employees, and when there is training offered it splits groups into camps where people managers get training on giving feedback and individual contributors get training on how to receive it.
To me, this is but one of the many reasons why the quote from Angela Duckworth rings true.
But let’s explore these challenges a bit deeper.
Let’s make them a bit more real with a little brainstorm here.
Okay, so let’s think through some of the areas where challenges with feedback arise.
What comes to mind first is delivery.
So with delivery, let’s say we have maybe the actual words that are said.
For example, consider the difference between the following. “In my experience, what has worked” versus “I never would have done it that way.
You need to….” And as you likely picked up there, tone plays a role here.
Words can impact tone, but so can the voice inflection.
A tone of genuine care and concern is likely to be received far differently than a tone of agitation and annoyance.
And with delivery we also have various elements of the environment, as in where is this feedback being delivered?
Is it in-person?
Is it in front of a group of peers?
Is it via video conferencing?
Or a long email?
All of these different modalities can create opportunities for different challenges to arise?
And then we have elements of non-verbal communication.
A feedback giver may be using all the right words, but if they are shaking their head in disgust or perceived to be multitasking, then the feedback is likely to land differently for the receiver.
Another category of challenges arise through the actual content of the feedback.
For example, is the feedback actually good feedback?
In much of the academic literature on feedback, there’s an assumption that the feedback offered by the usually more senior leader is always great and effective feedback.
We know in reality that this isn’t always the case.
And, in addition to it being good feedback, is the feedback actually helpful?
You’ll recall from our feedback definition that helpfulness is a core part of feedback, so while the feedback say on improving your public speaking skills may be good, if the receiver has communicated that they do not want to improve in this regard and see their career strengths as going in a different direction, then this good feedback isn’t actually helpful.
Another area where feedback challenges can occur has to do with timing.
For example, is the feedback receiver-centric?
Is it given at a good time for the receiver?
If the feedback receiver just gave the greatest presentation of their life, rushing this stage immediately after after they finish to lay out all the ways they can improve next time might not be the best time.
Similarly, waiting months after that presentation to give feedback may not be that helpful either.
And then there’s frequency.
So while the feedback may be good, it could be that it’s coming at too great a frequency for the receiver to deal with.
In my experience as a writer, I remember receiving rather relentless negative feedback from my professors.
It reached a point where I felt hopeless in this regard.
The frequency of feedback was high and it felt especially high considering that the frequency of positive feedback I was receiving was exceptionally low.
When one professor pulled me aside to give me some incredibly specific positive feedback, it set my career on a whole new path.
All of a sudden I had the confidence and resilience to handle the high frequency of negative feedback.
Within timing, we also have life events that arise.
For example, it could be that you receive great feedback but you are dealing with such serious challenges in your personal life that cause you to not care one bit bit about the professional feedback.
Another thought with timing has to do with the time dimensions of the actual feedback.
For example, is it a scheduled feedback session where both parties have a chance to prepare a bit or is it real-time feedback?
Both have advantages, but both can also surface new challenges in the feedback relationship.
Another category could be, let’s call it relational, meaning: what’s the actual relationship between the feedback giver and the feedback receiver?
Have they built trust over time, trust to the point where the relationship feels psychologically safe?
If not, each party may be stepping into the relationship with some tension and defensiveness that could create communication challenges.
For more on psychological safety, check out Amy Edmondson’s book titled The Fearless Organization.
I’ll link to it in the description.
And in this relationship, what is the reporting structure?
Power hierarchies can play a large role in how the feedback dynamic plays out.
This makes it especially important for the colleague who has more power to ensure they are stepping into the feedback relationship with awareness and empathy for that dynamic.
In relational, we also have intention.
We’ve talked about the power of the giver’s intention, and that certainly applies here, but so too does the receiver’s intention.
In a scheduled feedback session, for example, a receiver who steps in with an open mind and willingness to learn may have a far different experience than a receiver who is metaphorically ready to go to war.
Lastly, with relational, we have experience.
Two colleagues who have been effectively working closely together for decades may have built a relationship with feedback that allows them to approach it in the ways that work for them.
The legendary investing partnership between Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger involved feedback mechanisms to keep each other in check.
Over the decades, they may have built a certain ability to be direct and candid with each other in such a way that would be harmful for a brand new manager to try to use for a new colleague reporting to them.
When it comes to feedback, you may be seeing a lot of content out there about the importance of candor – that quality of being open and honest and frank in communicating.
While candor, of course, is important and plays a vital role, I also see some folks pushing it to an extreme and using it as an excuse for not needing to be thoughtful about their feedback – for not needing to build psychological safety or care about the context of the feedback relationship.
In other words, for example, these folks may deliver harsh and even judgmental feedback to a junior colleague they’ve barely met.
The feedback may land terribly and, well, they don’t care because they were embracing candor.
This approach can limit the development of feedback literacy for ourselves and those with whom we have a working relationship.
Another category here could be the many elements of personality that come into play.
You can think about this as it relates to human relationships.
Are there folks with certain personality traits that energize you or wear you down?
These same dynamics are part of the feedback relationship.
Regarding personality, two colleagues may approach conflict completely differently, with one colleague perhaps conflict-averse due to past experiences in their life, while the other tries to spin up conflict whenever there’s a chance to.
These differences can obviously lead to various challenges.
For example, the conflict-averse colleague may not be able to give others the feedback they need, while the conflict instigator colleague may overload folks with too much negative feedback.
And then, lastly, we have the general mindset of the feedback giver and receiver.
How are both parties stepping into the relationship?
Stories of Kobe Bryant, for example, often highlight how he sought advice and feedback from the greatest basketball players who were still alive at the time he was playing.
By all accounts, Kobe stepped into those relationships with curiosity and willingness to learn as a feedback receiver.
On the other hand, we may have a feedback giver who wants to hoard their wisdom.
They don’t want to give feedback to others because, as they see it, it will help others improve and therefore lower their stock or level the playing field.
As you can see, the mindset you adopt when stepping into a feedback relationship plays a large role here.
And our final category could be the overall feedback literacy of those engaging in the feedback process.
As discussed earlier, feedback literacy is the overall capacity to effectively give, receive, process, ask for, and use feedback.
And as I’ve come to see it, feedback literacy is built at the intersection of. number one. intrapersonal skills – those skills within our own mind such as self-awareness, open-mindedness and emotional intelligence.
Number two: interpersonal skills – those relational skills comprised of verbal and non-verbal communication which enable practices like active listening.
And number three: experiential meaning, the learnings we’ve had throughout the various feedback experiences in our life.
As you can see here, a lack of development in intra or interpersonal skills, or a lack of experience entering into healthy and effective feedback relationships, can lead to various issues in communication.
So, team, that’s a wrap on exploring the challenges that can arise with feedback and that’s also a wrap on our introduction.
In the following modules, we’ll explore how we can work through the many feedback challenges to set ourselves up for success.