Seeking Feedback: Invitation

Episode Transcript

The Seeking Feedback Invitation card states, “Many withhold feedback to avoid conflict. Some worry about how it might land. Inviting them to share their perspective can open new paths to growth for everyone.” And the card invites you to use what’s called the permission slip, which you can do by saying, “I’m working on skill because it matters for XYZ. If you’re open to it, could you share one way I could strengthen this?”

Let’s spend a moment with what makes this card fascinating. So seeking feedback is usually framed as something you do for yourself. You ask, you learn, you grow. But there’s a second dimension here that deserves far more attention. Every time you seek feedback, you’re also positioning the giver to grow.

Giving feedback well is a skill. It’s an entire suit in the deck, and it’s a skill that many people rarely get to practice because so few people around them ever ask, and the givers themselves are often unsure of how or when, or otherwise dealing with so much anxiety around giving that they just don’t do it. But when you invite someone to share their perspective, you’re handing them a low-stakes opportunity to develop that skill. You’re often helping a hesitant giver step into their own growth.

This is where the role of feedback seeker has far more power to positively shape environments than the research typically gives it credit for. The research often frames feedback seeking as a kind of junior-level activity, something you do early in your career and eventually age out of. That framing sells everyone short. People in all positions at all levels can and should seek feedback if growth is genuinely their goal. And when senior people do it, the effect on everyone watching is even more profound.

Now, notice something inside the permission slip, the phrase “because it matters.” Those three words are doing vital work. When you tell someone why the skill is important to you, because it matters for your team, your craft, your relationships, the people you serve, you help the giver understand exactly what’s at stake. And when they know that, they become more inclined to provide feedback that matches your thoughtfulness and depth. You’ve shown them the level of care you’re bringing. Most people, in my experience, will be far more likely to rise to meet that level once you’ve laid it out for them.

That’s card 05 of the Seeking Feedback suit. The next time you sense someone might be holding back a perspective that could help you, try extending the invitation. You may find that the feedback you receive is only half the gift. The other half is watching someone discover they had something valuable to say.