Feedback
Fallback Phrase
From Reaction to Response
The 4F Reaction
Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn
Automatic survival reactions like firing back or disassociating that occur when our biology takes over. These rarely lead to great outcomes.
Result: Reactive Conflict.
The Grounded Response
Intentional Space
A fallback phrase like “I hear what you’re saying and I need time to process it” signals that you are taking the input seriously while protecting your need to think.
Result: Thoughtful Engagement.
Beyond the Fight-Flight-Freeze-Fawn Trap
Challenging feedback can trigger deep-seated biological survival mechanisms. Without a plan, recipients often slip into the “4Fs”: fighting back with defensiveness, fleeing the situation mentally, freezing in silence, or fawning through fake appeasement. None of these reactions come from your best, most grounded self.
Acknowledging without Agreeing
A Feedback Fallback Phrase allows you to acknowledge that you have heard the giver without immediately agreeing or defending yourself. This simple act of care lets the giver know their words were taken seriously while granting you the “reflection gap” required to move from an emotional reaction to a strategic response.
The 3-Step Practice
Developing this skill requires intentionality. It involves imagining scenarios that trigger distress, feeling into the bodily sensations that arise, and then identifying the specific phrase that would have been helpful. This practice converts a biological vulnerability into a professional tool for mastery.
Learn more about Employee Feedback Literacy.