Episode Transcript
The Giving Feedback Positive card states, “Positive feedback can improve morale, show people you recognize their full range of abilities, and help them uncover strengths they didn’t know they had.” And the card invites you to practice the ratio. Aim to give more positive feedback than negative feedback. Make it just as specific and thoughtful as any challenging feedback you give.
Let’s go deep on this, because it’s easy to nod along to and rare to see it done well. So here’s a pattern I’ve noticed in myself and in many leaders I’ve worked with. When we have challenging feedback to give, we prepare. We think about the anchor, the wording, the timing, the tone, many of the cards in this very suit. And when we have positive feedback to give, we sort of improvise. “Great job on that.” “Really nice work.” We tend to offer comments kind of tossed off in a hallway. They’re meant sincerely, but, you know, those comments can be forgotten by lunch. The unspoken assumption seems to be that positive feedback works automatically, that good vibes sort of deliver themselves. In my experience, they mostly don’t.
Back on the Strengths card in the Seeking suit, I shared how I went through years of writing classes without knowing my own strengths, because every paper came back covered in red pen. The professors saw what I did well, but nobody said it out loud in any detail. Nobody told me. That’s what an improvised, thin culture of positive feedback produces, people who are genuinely skilled and have no clear picture of it.
So what does great positive feedback actually look like? It’s built from the same materials as great critical feedback: an anchor, the specific time and place, the behavior, what exactly they did, the impact, what it led to, and who felt it. So compare, “Awesome work on this project,” with something like this: “In Tuesday’s review, when the client started pushing back on the timeline, you stayed calm, restated their concern better than they said it themselves, and walked through the dependencies. The whole room settled. That’s a skill, and I want you to know I see it.”
The first is pleasant sound. The second version might change how the person understands themselves, which is huge. It may be the first time anyone has named that ability out loud, which means you may have just helped them uncover a strength they didn’t know they had. And when you give positive, thoughtful feedback like that, it can dramatically improve the chances that any future negative feedback you give lands far better.
Which brings me to the planning part. I’d encourage you to plan positive feedback ahead of time the same way you’d plan a challenging conversation. Before a one-on-one, before practice ends, before the semester wraps, ask yourself, “What has this person done recently that deserves specific recognition? What did it lead to?” Then deliver it with the same care you give anything hard. Setting that intention changes what you notice, too. Givers who plan to deliver specific praise start watching for praiseworthy specifics.
And on the ratio, more positive than negative, I’d add one hedge. The ratio only works if every piece is real. Inflated or invented praise erodes trust fast. People can usually smell it. The goal is more true specific positive feedback. Most of us have an enormous supply of it. We’ve simply never put it into words.
That’s card 09 of the Giving Feedback suit. This week, plan one piece of positive feedback the way you’d plan a hard conversation. Anchor, behavior, impact. Deliver it with full attention, then watch what it does to the person and maybe to you.
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