“We are here to awaken from the illusion of separateness.”
Episode Transcript
Hi, my name is Cameron Conaway. Welcome to 3-Minute Reframe. Today we’re talking about The Illusion of Separateness.
In my office at Penn State University, I keep a Ram Dass quote posted by my computer. It reads: “We are here to awaken from the illusion of separateness.” It’s from his book, How Can I Help?, which is linked to in the show notes.
This phrase, in addition to being a direct challenge to the myths of the “self-made man” or the “self-made millionaire”—narratives common in individualistic cultures that allow people to hog all the credit or cast all the blame—is, for me, a reminder to see the interconnections of all things.
Similarly, Thich Nhat Hanh, the great Zen teacher whose teachings you can learn more about in The Way Out Is In podcast, spoke of “inter-being.” For example, he spoke of the importance of seeing the rain and clouds in a sheet of paper. Yes, the paper exists. But what is it made of? Trees? Well, what are trees made of and how did they come to be, and on and on.
As you ask more questions, you begin to see the deeper ways everything inter-is. The rain and clouds and infinite other elements are there in that sheet of paper. In this way, it can be an illusion to see it only as paper. Without those elements, the tree wouldn’t grow and the paper wouldn’t exist.
We are the same. Every success we’ve had was likely supported by roads we didn’t pave, food we didn’t grow, energy systems we didn’t invent, teachers we didn’t pay, and on and on.
This realization helped me turn the corner with my social anxiety in the classroom. Anxiety often lives in what’s called the “Comparing Mind”—that gap we create when we separate ourselves from others. But, looking deeply, this would be a bit like the pinky comparing itself to the thumb. They are different, serve different purposes, and they are all part of the same unit.
When I’m in this mindset of “inter-are,” the pressure lightens. So here’s a reframe: When you feel that sting of social anxiety or disconnection or even loneliness, or you’re about to enter an environment where you know those qualities might manifest, remember this quote about awakening from the illusion of separateness. It may help what feels like a solo act feel more like the result of a thousand helping hands (which is far closer to reality, and that’s our goal here).
Give it a shot and you’ll hear from me next week.
Show Notes
- Podcast: The Way Out Is In
- Book: How Can I Help? by Ram Dass and Paul Gorman
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