• CC 2

    CameronConaway.com

    Cameron Conaway is a former MMA fighter, an award-winning writer and the Social Justice Editor at The Good Men Project, where he has published work based on his international investigations into topics such as child labor and human trafficking. Conaway has received a Wellcome Trust Arts Award, an IPPY and is a two-time recipient of the Richard Russo Prize. He served as Poet-in-Residence at the University of Arizona and most recently with the Mahidol Oxford Research Unit in Thailand.

    May
    17

    Adam’s Peak, Sri Lanka

     

    Room

    Our journey to Adam’s Peak (Sri Pada) began when we left our room above at Slightly Chilled Guesthouse at 1:00am. The air was crisp and clean. The path up to the mountain is fairly well-marked and well lit. Ten minutes into the journey we ran into Buddhist monks who emphatically said that the only way up was through their nifty little donation center. You can simply walk around this little obstacle but it’s worth noting because they confused us a bit at the beginning.

    Flags

    The journey to the top is definitely an obstacle and will have even a good athlete feeling winded. We took our time and with 10 or so stops it took us about three hours to get to the top. As you approach the higher elevations there are many prayer flags like those that Maggie is posing beside.

    Along the way, we marched upward to the sounds of many locals singing traditional Buddhist songs. The atmosphere, especially because we were surrounded by darkness, was electric. People of all ages, many barefoot, helped each other up. It was clear that Adam’s Peak was not simply a hike to them – it’s a highly ritual and deeply spiritual practice.

    Shop

    There are many shops like this along the way. Be sure to take your own water bottle before you head up. Prices can be 3-4 times as expensive once you’re on the trail. Once at the summit, we waited for the sunrise by taking a nap on the concrete alongside some of the locals.

    dog

    At one point a small puppy came up and snuggled into the crook of Maggie’s legs. After about an hour we decided we could see the sunrise on the way down so we left a bit early.

    Fog

    And this is what awaited us. As color entered the sky the fog began to roll like waves over the mountains. We got a hot cup of sweet milk tea for fifty rupees and sat for 25-minutes just to soak it all in. It was a profound experience that neither one of us will ever forget.

    Sun

    As if Sri Lanka hadn’t already wowed us enough, we ran smack into this as we climbed down through the fog. The impressive sites of nature and man continued…

    Watertough

    This was our view of the peak once we neared the bottom.

    Peak

    The Reclining Buddha was one of our final photo stops.

    Reclining

    Once we returned back to Slightly Chilled, we decided to settle in, get a fresh pot of orange pekoe tea and enjoy it with some Sri Lankan chocolate before heading to bed. It was an experience of a lifetime!

    Choc

    Follow @MaggieChestney and @CameronConaway on Twitter

    May
    02

    While the Train Runs

    train

    The award-winning short film about the rail tracks slum of Dhaka, Bangladesh.

    “Cheap clothes? They do not exist!”

    This was the comment that appeared on my Facebook feed regarding the heartbreaking news of the nearly 400 people who died in the recent Bangladesh garment factory collapse. It’s true and felt truer because the man who said it runs several fair-trade garment factories throughout India that employs rehabilitated survivors of human trafficking. He gets it. There is a price to everything and affluent countries are often entirely blind to this fact. Unfortunately, globalization sometimes makes it tough to see how a garment factory collapsing in Bangladesh has any connection to our daily lives. His quote inspired my own:

    cc

    Travel is the greatest way to feel connected to our unseen connections. Because that’s not always a possibility, we owe it to ourselves and humanity to enter into other cultures through brilliant short films like While the Train Runs. Check it out:

    While the train runs from Enrico Parenti, Takae film on Vimeo.

    Apr
    30

    Enter the Hand Shop: Old School vs. New School

    gym

    Enter the Hand Shop Part 2: Old School vs. New School

    Click here to read Part 1

    “I’m old school,” said Rooney, as we began what would become a two-hour backroom interview. “I don’t have a cell phone and I don’t have a computer. You don’t need that stuff. When the answering machine first came out, I was OK with that. I could listen to who called and choose to answer or not answer, to call them back or not. Everything changes. You just have to hope it’s changing for the better. I’m not so sure all this new technology stuff is for the better.”

    When I asked Rooney about recent advances in strength and conditioning methods, he responded with trademark bluntness.

    “Yeah, well, with boxing it comes down to a simple question: Do you want to be a fighter?” he said. “It doesn’t matter what routines somebody is following. It doesn’t matter if they’re doing all the latest stuff. If, in the deepest core of their heart, they do not want to be a fighter, they will not be a fighter.

    “I’m old school for these reasons but also because every day I walk into this gym, I think of one of my most powerful memories with Cus,” Rooney added. “When he was dying in 1985, he said to me, ‘You know, most people when they die, they’re just forgotten.’ I said, ‘Cus, I’ll keep this place alive. I’ll keep you alive.’ Every day I walk into this gym I want to keep his spirit alive in here. I believe in the peek-a-boo style. I look for fighters who I think can best use this style. Look, Cus always made you feel safe in here. I just want to continue what he started. My only regret is that I didn’t record everything he ever said. The man was absolutely brilliant.”

    Rooney went deep into the past, discussing details I had never heard about Tyson’s rape trial, the events that occurred before several of Tyson’s fights and even his thoughts about boxing promoter Don King. He believes the rise of MMA might be a fad and that boxing is and will always be here to stay.

    “Boxing just needs a dominant, exciting heavyweight that can move like Mike. Once that happens, it’ll go mainstream again,” Rooney said. “Right now, boxing has Manny Pacquiao. He’s great, no doubt about it, but a great lightweight fighter simply cannot capture and enthrall the media’s attention like a great heavyweight fighter. We’re hoping in the next few years that our gym will find and develop the next heavyweight champion.”

    Ernest Westbrooke, the gym’s current assistant trainer, hopes to give rise to such a fighter.

    “I’m new school,” Westbrooke said.

    In his early 50s, Wesbrooke has an infectious personality that seems perfectly suited for television. His eyes light up when he talks. He articulates each thought with his whole body. The guy could have sold me a Shake Weight. The sweet science of boxing consumes his every waking moment. He views his young fighter, Victor Kokonis, the way I imagine D’Amato viewed Tyson.

    Westbrooke is new school in that he is a huge fan of mixed martial arts and he is constantly trying to learn how technology can improve a fighter’s motion and promotion. He has a cell phone and a laptop and knows how to use all the social media sites. He realizes times have changed and that there are now better, smarter ways to train fighters than there once were. So how does he try to blend modernity with legendary tradition?

    “Look, a loved one of mine was with us last week and is no more,” Westbrooke said. “This gym will never change its name, nor will it forget its roots, but our goal here is twofold. We want to provide the youth of this city with a safe place so they can stay out of trouble and learn strong life lessons, but we also want to find and mold our next world champion.

    “Change isn’t something you have absolute control over,” he added. “It happens, and if you aren’t up with the times, you’ll be left behind the times. I see change not as something that creates adversity but as something that builds diversity. I’m a strong believer in the benefits of education. You know, in boxing, people say, ‘Speed kills.’ But so does knowledge. In the real world, knowledge kills.”

    Fighters travel to Gracie academies to touch up their guard position. They travel to muay Thai schools to learn the subtleties of leg kicks. Westbrooke is the best “hands coach” with whom I have ever worked, and I highly recommend that MMA fighters who are looking to improve their boxing skills pay him a visit. He is incredibly knowledgeable about how to create, as he put it, “thoroughly integrated fighters who can fight inside and find angles but also maximize their reach when on the outside.” His grasp of MMA allows him to tweak boxing techniques to accommodate the demands of a fighter who needs to worry about stuffing takedowns and defending knees.

    Despite the minor clashes Rooney and Westbrooke have because of their polar views on certain subjects, they care deeply about each other and know they need each other. Regardless of their differences, one similarity will forever bind them — they love Cus D’Amato and this gym’s legacy, and they know what this gym can offer the community. That said, they could be doing much better financially and occasionally have fears that the gym may close down. Neither trainer is paid for the work they do here, not the 30 hours per week they spend training fighters, not the many trips they take to get the fighters to tournaments.

    Rooney and Westbrooke want the gym, free to anyone under the age of 18, to stay alive and want what’s behind the name to always remain. Cus D’Amato is alive and happy here and not just by name.

    Full article originally published on Sherdog.com.

    Apr
    30

    Enter the Hand Shop

    cus

    Enter the Hand Shop: Part 1

    CATSKILL, N.Y. — The gym’s walls breathe history. The yellowed and wrinkled newspaper clippings taped to every square inch tell a story of pride, triumph and setback.

    On the surface, this gym looks no different than any other boxing gym. The heavybags are lopsided and duct-taped. Boxers of various skill levels and training intensities coalesce. This gym sounds no different than any other boxing gym. An old beat-up radio bangs out old beats. There are the three-minute buzzers and the grunts and the background pitter-patter music of speedbags. The gym smells no different than any other boxing gym — the musty, rustic smell of wet handwraps, worn-out leather and hardwood floors that contain within them generations of sweat.

    But get to know the trainers and you will learn the idiosyncrasies of the sweet science of boxing in a way few, if any gyms across the nation can teach. Step closer to the walls and you will learn these weathered clippings are not just stories; they are stories about some of the best boxers the world has ever known, boxers who called Cus D’Amato’s Boxing Gym home.

    What’s in a name? Nothing. Shakespeare’s Juliet would agree. What’s behind a name? Everything.

    We MMA fans are used to watching our sport on pay-per-view. We order UFC events from home, oftentimes splitting the cost with a group of friends. We head out to Hooters or Applebee’s when they carry a card. In fact, for UFC 121 “Lesnar vs. Velasquez” on Oct. 23, an estimated 1,050,000 of us shelled out the $44.95 necessary to purchase the event. It’s almost 2011, and MMA continues to boom. It seems on top of the world. Yet, nearly 20 years ago, a single man named Mike Tyson generated 200,000 more pay-per-view buys than UFC 121 for his fight against Donovan “Razor” Ruddock.

    When young MMA fighters are asked how they became involved in the sport, it has almost become a cliché that they bring up the legendary heroics of Royce Gracie during his UFC reign from 1993-94. Many MMA fans see this as the beginning of the cultural popularization of fighting. However, it was in 1985 that a 19-year-old Tyson helped take fighting from being a niche spectator sport to a mainstream media obsession. MMA fans cheer when a Randy Couture or Frankie Edgar highlight makes it on ESPN SportsCenter’s “Plays of the Week.” But Tyson highlights were shown years before and on a regular basis. And they are still shown. He was considered by most to be “the baddest man on the planet.”

    The intention here is not to counter MMA’s recent success but to set the framework and paint a larger picture of the fight game than is usually discussed. As a little boy, some of my earliest memories of fighting are of the crowds of adults that would gather in the garage of my best friend’s father’s house to watch Tyson fights. These adults would not show up until very late at night, usually 30 minutes before Tyson’s bout was to air. The undercard did not matter, as it involved regular boxers boxing. Tyson was a phenomenon. People even wanted to show up early to the fights just to catch the pre-fight-hype training montage of Tyson bobbing and weaving and tenaciously working the heavybags with blurring speed.
    Those training videos were shot in Cus D’Amato’s Boxing Gym. In November, I was granted access to tour the gym, interview the trainers and even get some one-on-one training.

    For many fight fans, their first introduction to combat sports came not through Royce Gracie but through the sport of boxing — be it the days of Muhammad Ali or George Foreman or Tyson. So when I found myself needing to pass through Catskill, N.Y., for a business trip, my subconscious registered something long before my conscious mind. “Catskill,” I thought to myself. “I feel I know Catskill, even though I’ve never been there.” A bit of research led me to the reason: Catskill is the home to the world-renowned Cus D’Amato Boxing Gym. It is where, at just 14 years old, Floyd Patterson trained to then, at age 17, win the gold medal at the 1952 Olympic Games. Then, at the age of 21 and in the wake of Rocky Marciano’s retirement, Patterson beat Archie Moore to become the youngest man to win the world heavyweight championship; he later became the first to regain it. He was the first Olympic gold medalist to win a professional heavyweight title. Patterson was trained by Cus D’Amato, a man who quickly became known as much for his technical boxing knowledge as for his passion and generosity and his willingness to become a father figure and positive role model to the Catskill community youth who entered his gym.

    “Floyd Patterson was the first fighter in history to net a million-dollar purse,” said Kevin Rooney, who won the 147-pound sub-novice New York Golden Gloves championship at Madison Square Garden in 1975 and then packed up his life to train under D’Amato. He later became Tyson’s chief trainer (1985-88).

    In the initial thirty minutes of my interview with Rooney, I learned that many firsts happened in this gym. I was astonished, especially considering the conversation had yet to include Tyson’s name. Mike Tyson entered the Cus D’Amato Boxing Gym in 1979. He was a 13-year-old boy with very little, if any, familial support, destined for the type of imprisoned or buried future so typical for youth without any guidance in life.

    “When he came in here, he was already close to 200 pounds of pure muscle,” said Rooney, “and this was before he had ever lifted a weight in his life. What we did was take the genetics and add to it what we believed was the best boxing techniques in the world. On top of that, Cus served as Mike’s constant mentor. He was Mike’s life coach. It was the perfect recipe for success.

    “During Mike’s first week here, Cus had him do some light sparring with a veteran boxer just so Cus could see how Mike moved,” Rooney added. “He knew the veteran boxer was good enough to spar safely, to test anybody who entered the ring with him. However, the vet put a good whooping on Mike for two rounds, so much so that Cus immediately brought the sparring to an end. The veteran had to put that kind of whooping on Mike because Mike was relentless, coming forward, trapping, pressuring. The guy felt Mike’s power early and knew this 13-year-old could hurt him if he wasn’t careful.”

    Rooney stood up from the bench and reenacted the scene between D’Amato and Tyson.

    “That’s enough, Mike,” Rooney said while waving his arms. “Good work.”

    Rooney moved to a new position and raised the pitch of his voice.

    “C’mon,” he said, channeling Tyson, “give me one more round.”

    “No, Mike. You’re done for now. I’ve seen enough. Out.”

    “Then,” Rooney said dramatically, “as Mike got out of the ring, Cus turned to everyone in the gym and, in a way so unlike his usual self, pointed to Mike and announced to everybody: ‘There’s the next heavyweight champion of the world!’”

    What Tyson loved was his ability to close the distance and explode with devastation. His hands were held in front of his face at nose level, rather than to the side as boxers were and still are taught. He simultaneously slipped punches by moving from side-to-side like a shark cutting through ocean waters, but he also used the momentum of this side-to-side motion to generate power for his punches. This style was efficiency at its finest, a constant synergy of defense and offense. A short heavyweight — many reports say he was all of 5-foot-8 — Tyson is the best example in boxing history of how a shorter boxer can take out a taller foe. The style he used is known as the “peek-a-boo” style. It was developed by D’Amato and is still taught in this gym.

    D’Amato was the Greg Jackson of his time.

    Read Part Two: New School vs. Old School

    Apr
    27

    Man-to-Man with Author John-Paul Flintoff

    JPF

    John-Paul Flintoff believes we need to reframe how we think about achieving our goals and changing the world.

    John-Paul Flintoff is an author, a journalist and a faculty member of The School of Life – a cultural enterprise offering good ideas for everyday life – where, “You will not be cornered by any dogma, but directed towards a variety of ideas – from philosophy to literature, psychology to the visual arts – that tickle, exercise and expand your mind. You’ll meet other curious, sociable and open-minded people in an atmosphere of exploration and enjoyment.” His book How to Change the World was recently released (see my review here) and we caught up with him for an interview. Enjoy.

    Your book is titled “How to Change the World.” In your TEDx video of the same title you spoke about how history paints a picture of individuals, but that truth shows the real magic of change is in life’s minutiae – a minutiae of which we are all taking part. When did you first notice how important this shift in thinking could be? How has living it changed your own life?

    Some years ago, I was sent to interview the actor Jonathan Pryce about a show he was in. He’d complained, some time before, about one of the actors he worked with not working hard enough. I asked him why that mattered – why not concentrate on being great himself. (I had no idea how much this question exposed my ignorance.)

    “Because on stage,” he said, “you are only as good as the people around you.”

    I asked him to elaborate. He drew a breath and said: “Imagine a powerful king on the stage. What does he look like?”

    I shut my eyes and tried to picture it. “He has a huge crown,” I said. “And a huge throne. Covered in gold…?”

    No, Pryce replied. “Those details only mean that he is king. What makes him powerful is the other people on stage, lying flat on their faces before him. If the same people got up and turned their backs to him, told jokes and smoked cigarettes, or had a snooze, the same king would no longer be powerful at all. In other words it’s their behaviour that makes him powerful, not his.”

    In other words power is given by consent of the people over whom it’s exercised. This really blew my mind. It means that, when we grumble about “the system” or “the status quo”, we lose sight of our own complicity in the way things are. The status quo is like that powerful king. If we don’t like it, we must get up off our faces, turn our backs, and start to tell jokes. Which is to say: Do Something.

    You’ve covered plenty of topics in your years as a journalist – from factories in Bangalore to the UK economy, from restorative justice models to interviews with Nobel-winning scientists. What are three stories you’ve covered but still find yourself mulling over?

    I wrote about an amazing woman, Camila Batmanghelidjh, who set up a charity helping thousands of deprived and often feral London children. At one point, we visited an adult mental ward straight out of One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest. A girl, underage and without competent carers, had been admitted “for observation” (althought she was mentally healthy) because it was cheaper than finding her proper accommodation. I was appalled that this happened.

    This girl had come to the charity’s attention because she was robbing people on public transport. I wondered what I should do if I ever met somebody like her on a bus or train, and was told, “If you are afraid, you have to hide that: Cleo told me once that what pisses her off is that people make an assumption that she is going to do something wrong.”

    The idea that people can pick up on what we are (even unconsciously) projecting onto them had a massive effect on me. Ever since, I’ve tried to approach even the most menacing people as if they were not menacing at all, in fact, as if they were really lovely – and (so far) I’ve been treated well in return. Good fortune? Perhaps. Mere soft-hearted liberalism? Maybe. But if it works…

    Much more lighthearted are the stories I’ve done that were inspired by the writing of George Plimpton. I have always felt that journalism can be false when it aspires to be objective – and much preferred to say, well, this is my view, based on my experience, and you are welcome to take it or leave it. So I got into the ring with a boxer, and I joined a professional theatre show, and I worked for a “green” funeral business. I have always wanted to know what it’s like to be in other people’s shoes.

    But the piece of journalism I probably think about most is the first interview I ever did, with the cult performer Ivor Cutler. He’d been a teacher at my junior school (we didn’t know that he was famous, and had been in films with The Beatles). I telephoned nervously and asked if I could interview him because I wanted to be a journalist. I had no idea where I would sell the interview, or what I was doing, but he was kind, and patient, and told me afterwards that he thought I would be a good journalist because I seemed interested in his answers. These may have been merely kind words, but they made a huge difference to me and gave me the courage to stick with it. I often think about how powerful and positive that kind of encouragement can be, and hope that I manage to do something similar for others occasionally.

    One of your core beliefs is that we as individuals are capable of far more than we think we are, that we are beyond our business cards. What are some things that hinder people from unlocking and/or realizing their full potential?

    The main thing is fear – we have wonderful ideas about what we might like to do, but over the years we have learned to internalise the criticism we’ve received and become our own biggest critic. Since writing the book I have trained as a coach, and I’ve been amazed at the resourceful, ingenious ways in which people throw up reasons why they can’t do the thing they would really like to do – not yet, anyway. There’s always an explanation that is plausible, and rational – but it’s usually completely unnecessary. One way around that is to trick yourself into thinking that your dream is entirely achievable – ask yourself what you would do “if you knew you couldn’t fail”, as if success were magically guaranteed, and then you will hit on the mission that really means something to you. After that, there’s a danger you might be overwhelmed by the sheer magnificence of it – but remember that nobody ever did anything except in small steps – and you can start doing that tomorrow.

    Lastly, you speak about how enjoying the solution is just as important as obtaining the goal. Can you give some practical examples of this? Regardless of what our goals may be, how can we practice this philosophy so that it becomes a regular part of our life?

    When we get carried away with the final goal, we stop enjoying the process – which is crazy because we may never reach the ultimate goal. (Somebody may invent something that renders it unnecessary, or we may find a more important mission.) If you don’t make the small steps valuable in their own right, you may become one of those people who uses the end to justify any means whatever. Gandhi talked about trying to enjoy the “blessed monotony” of, say, washing the dishes. Other traditions recommend that you do that by imagining each dish is the Buddha, or the baby Jesus. Fundamentally, enjoying the small steps is a form of meditation. And like all meditation, when it works, it can be a great relief: when I first got worried about climate change and resource shortages I started to live my life as locally as possible “in order to save the world”. But in practice I stopped worrying so much and just started to enjoy the sheer fun of growing my own food, walking around my neighbourhood and making my own clothes (yes, really!).

    ***

    Follow John-Paul Flintoff on Twitter @JPFlintoff

    Read more in Social Justice.

    Apr
    25

    Man-to-Man with Cultural Thinker Roman Krznaric

    Roman

    Roman Krznaric is perhaps the world’s foremost authority on empathy. Here’s our interview with him.

    Roman Krznaric is the author of The Wonderbox: Curious Histories of How to Live, The First Beautiful Game: Stories of Obsession in Real Tennis and his recently-released How to Find Fulfilling Work (see my review here). He’s a founding faculty member of The School of Life in London and his life’s mission right now is to build the world’s first empathy museum. To the interview:

    Roman, you are considered a “cultural thinker and writer on the art of living.” The Observer named you one of Britain’s leading lifestyle philosophers. What initially drew you to take seriously the field – life – that is often so taken for granted and lived that it’s basically forgotten? What about it maintains your fascination?

    I certainly never set out to become a ‘philosopher of life’ (there’s no file on this at most career advice centers!). I began my career as an academic teaching sociology and politics, but have also tried a range of other jobs, amongst them gardener, financial journalist, carpenter, tennis coach, community worker and – perhaps the toughest of them all – being a father of young twins. So I’ve always been searching for my own personal version of ‘the good life’, and gradually became interested in what we could learn from the whole range of human experience about this. I think too many self-help books are based on a relatively narrow range of ideas from the field of psychology, and I’ve wanted to search for wisdom in everything from history and philosophy, to literature, film and anthropology. What maintains my fascination? I think the perennial struggle of how to live a meaningful life where we put our values into practice – trying to close the gap between what we say we believe and how we actually act. ‘Be the change you want to see in the world,’ said Gandhi. It’s a nice quote for your screensaver, but doing it in reality isn’t so easy.

    You’re a founding faculty member of “The School of Life” in London. Can you tell us a bit about what this is and the work you do through it?

    The School of Life was established in London in 2008, and since we started over 50,000 people have come through the doors, and we’ve now also opened in Sydney and Rio. A number of thinkers including the philosopher Alain de Botton and myself were dissatisfied with the state of higher education, and wanted to do something about it. You can go to college and study physics or accounting, but you can’t do courses in so many of the topics that really matter in life – such as how to make relationships work, how to find fulfilling work, how to expand your creative self, or how to think about death. The School of Life was invented to provide this, in a way reviving the idea of Plato’s Academy in Ancient Greece, where you would study ethics and the nature of friendship alongside geometry and drama. We believe that this kind of education on how to live should be part of everyday culture. It would be great if there was a School of Life, or similar institution, in every shopping mall.

    Speaking of empathy, the Dalai Lama has been outspoken in his belief that we need to incorporate the practice of it into our educational systems. What are your thoughts on this and what are some practical ways that we can (1) get the public to understand empathy’s importance and (2) actually make it a reality within classrooms?

    I’ve dedicated much of the last decade to spreading the word about the importance of empathy, both as a philosophy of life and as an essential force for social change. For instance, I recently produced an animated video called The Power of Outrospection,which is specifically designed as an educational tool to get people to understand what empathy really means – especially the idea that empathy doesn’t just make you good but it is good for you too, and also that empathy is not simply about being nice to people but can be a radical tool to challenge problems such as inequality and violent conflicts. What’s been helping to increase public understanding of empathy is that over the past 20 years there has been a revolution in neuroscience, evolutionary biology and psychology, which has revealed that the old story that human beings are selfish and individualistic by nature no longer holds; in fact, our brains are just as much wired for empathy, social cooperation and mutual aid. We are homo empathicus as much as homo self-centricus.

    There have been huge strides made in bringing empathy into the classroom in recent years. The world’s most famous and effective programme is The Roots of Empathy, which was founded in Canada but has now spread to the US, Australia, New Zealand and the UK. Over half a million kids have gone through the programme, and it has had a major impact on boosting empathy levels amongst children aged 5 to 12, has reduced schoolyard bullying, and has also increased general academic attainment. But the really great thing about Roots of Empathy is that the teacher is…a baby! Really. Each class ‘adopts’ a baby for the year, which visits them regularly, and the kids sit around the baby talking about what the baby is thinking and feeling, why it’s laughing or crying. It’s the beginning of getting the kids to learn how to step into someone else’s shoes. I believe that Roots of Empathy should be available to all school children.

    Lastly, your book “How to Find Fulfilling Work” will be released April 23. It presumably contains a few answers, but do people generally ask the right questions? When it comes to work, what are the questions you most often hear and what questions do you wish you would hear more often?

    Those are good questions! The most common questions I hear from people are things like: How can I work out what a meaningful job really looks like for me? How important is the pursuit of money or other things like putting my values and talents into practice? And how can I actually overcome my fears and find the courage and confidence to make a big career change? So I set out to answer these kinds of questions in the book, drawing on the latest empirical research, but also finding inspiration in figures such as Leonardo Da Vinci, Marie Curie and even Zorba the Greek.

    I’d like to hear more questions, though, about how men manage the relationship between their work and family life. One of the issues that fascinates me, and that few people know about, is that the idea of the ‘stay-at-home dad’ is not a modern invention. In fact, in the pre-industrial period, when the economy and the home were more closely intertwined, men did much more of the domestic work and childcare than they do today. There are also some cultures, such as the Aka Pymies in the Congo, where men and women share the childcare pretty much equally (I’ve written about it here). I think there’s a lot that men – and women – can learn from history and other cultures about the really tough question of how, in traditional two-parent families, both partners can get satisfaction in their professional lives, while also sharing domestic roles more equally.

    ***

    Follow Roman Krznaric on Twitter @RomanKrznaric

    –Author Photo by Kate Raworth

    Read more in Social Justice.

    Apr
    23

    Until There’s Blood: The Sexual Abuse of Boys in Cambodia

    Run

    In Cambodia, sexually abused boys struggle to be believed.

    -Phnom Penh

    The little boy didn’t have proof the first time. That he told about the experience in graphic detail wasn’t enough. After all, the accused was like a family member. And the boy, well, was a boy.

    In Cambodia there’s a phrase that translates to “boys are pure gold.” It’s tempting to think this first means “valuable” but that definition is secondary. What the phrase truly means is that boys can be burned, beaten and smashed and yet still be gold. They’re tough. They don’t complain. They grow to be men where they enter into another phase and translated phrase: “man with 5 hat chest.” A hat is a measurement term in Cambodia that equals about ½ meter. A “man with 5 hat chest” can be likened to our version of the macho man, the tough guy. While the body undergoes dramatic changes when going from boy to man, the masculine psyche merely congeals.

    The accused was a respected traditional healer in the community. This particular family even referred to him as Uncle. He’d been there over the years and the family believed he’d saved their lives on numerous occasions. So they didn’t give it a second thought when the healer said he was awfully sick and that to heal himself he’d need the boy to sleep in bed with him.

    The boy didn’t want to go but boys are pure gold. As he was aggressively fondled he escaped and ran home in a frenzied blur to tell his parents what happened.

    ***

    Many Cambodians, unlike their more progressive Thai neighbors, can’t understand the idea that a Khmer man could be sexually involved with another man. And so a Khmer man sexually abusing a young boy? It’s out of the question. One mother, upon hearing of such an abuse, was quoted as saying, “I don’t believe it. Our men here like women.” Of those Cambodians who believe that men can sexually abuse children, many believe it is a crime only committed (1) by foreign men and (2) by homosexual foreign men. They hold these beliefs despite the evidence that says (1) about 70% of rapes and assaults are committed by someone known to the victim and (2) homosexual men are not more likely to abuse children than heterosexual men are. In fact, many Cambodians refer to such crimes as “the foreigner disease” and they believe that advocacy groups who work to convince them otherwise are against Khmer culture and seeking to bring shame to the country.

    According to my sources in Cambodia and corroborated by other international research I’ve done, most sexual abuse of children is not from a foreigner or even a local stranger – it’s from a close friend, family member or community influential. Child sexual abuse at the hands of foreigners often makes it in Cambodia’s local newspapers, but the same crimes committed by locals makes the papers more often. This is telling, especially when taking into account how such crimes often go unreported when the accused is friend or family. So why does the denial still exist?

    It’s the case of already having a firm belief and tying that belief to personal identity. Information that reinforces said beliefs seal themselves deeper into memory, while information to the contrary is easy to disregard. It’s the right-wing conservative who hears of underpaid workers striking and immediately thinks lazy bums, or the left-wing liberal who reads Obama’s drone strike kills innocent chil and quickly flips the page.

    ***

    The boy’s parents didn’t believe him. The healer’s cough became more consistent. He asked the family again and the family agreed again. The boy, raised to be pure gold like so many other boys in the world, knew so deeply what awaited him if he complained that he began to question his own story of what happened.

    He was penetrated this time, violently. This time when he ran home in a blur he had something to show. Blood. Lots of it. All through his underwear.

    The family was brought to tears and believed the boy this time. The healer was eventually arrested, found guilty and imprisoned.

    Stories like this are not uncommon in Cambodia. And I’ve heard similar stories during my time in Bangladesh, Thailand, the Philippines and the United States.

    The traditional healer is behind bars and the boy is all healed up physically. Of course he is. Boys can be burned, beaten and smashed and yet still be gold.

    If only psychological trauma could bleed.

    ***

    First Step Cambodia is, in my opinion, the country’s premier organization for helping male survivors of sexual abuse. Please consider supporting their work.

    Related Reads:

    - Never To Be Sold Again

    - Human Trafficking: The Other 20%

    - The Forgotten Many: Sex Trafficked Boys

    - Dear UN: Please Add Men & Boys to Your Human Trafficking Definition

    -Certain details have been altered to protect identity

    –Photo: JohnMallon/Flickr

    Apr
    20

    Locked Up Loved One? There’s an App for That.

    Flikshop

    Flikshop seeks to make it easier to communicate with those incarcerated.

    Although making communication easier between those on the outside and those locked up will forever be a controversial issue, it’s true that methods haven’t been improved upon over the years. The technology advances on the outside often make it far tougher for those on the inside to shake their institutionalization and weave themselves back into society. Part of the “punishment” of being locked up is the loneliness, and yet this is also part of the problem. Few things can break the human psyche faster than feeling alone, unneeded and unloved. And this “breaking” doesn’t simply wear off once an inmate is released. Inmate Troy Chapman offered some beautiful insights in this NPR piece:

    “There’s a lot of talk about what’s wrong with prisons in America. We need more programs; we need more psychologists or treatment of various kinds. Some even talk about making prisons more kind, but I think what we really need is a chance to practice kindness ourselves. Not receive it, but give it.

    After more than two decades here, I know that kindness is not a value that’s encouraged. It’s often seen as weakness. Instead the culture encourages keeping your head down, minding your own business and never letting yourself be vulnerable.

    For a few days a raggedy cat disrupted this code of prison culture. They’ve taken him away now, hopefully to a decent home — but it did my heart good to see the effect he had on me and the men here. He didn’t have a Ph.D., he wasn’t a criminologist or a psychologist, but by simply saying, “I need some help here,” he did something important for us. He needed us — and we need to be needed. I believe we all do.”

    Further, America’s mass incarceration problem means that record numbers of inmates are locked up, which means record numbers of Americans are now separated from people close to them. It seems Flikshop has something with great potential.

    See More in Social Justice

    Apr
    19

    The Colorado: America’s Most Endangered River

    Colorado

    A few clicks is all it takes to tell Congress to keep the Colorado River flowing.

    AmericanRivers.org has put together an incredible campaign to raise awareness about the beauty and plight of the Colorado River. After viewing the video below, consider taking 60 seconds to sign their letter to Congress. In addition to supporting their mission, you’ll also be showing your support for the work of some terrific groups like Protect the Flows, Nuestro Rio, National Young Farmers Coalition and Save the Colorado.

    This campaign is well organized. When I signed the petition it recognized that my contact would be Congressman Pat Toomey and that additional information would be needed in order for him to receive my signature:

    Toomey

     

    Visit AmericanRivers/Colorado and follow these folks on Twitter: @AmericanRivers and @ProtectFlows.

    See More in Social Justice

    Apr
    18

    Torture, American Style

    torture

    Study concludes that US torture after 9/11 had “no justification” and “damaged the standing of our nation.”

    President Obama used slick wording when he first spoke in the aftermath of the Boston bombing, “Any responsible individuals, any responsible groups, will feel the full weight of justice.”

    “Justice” could mean something about the proper administration of law, but it doesn’t. The word has taken on new meaning in the US, and those who live outside of the US often have enough distance to see clearly what the word usually means when it rolls off American tongues: Revenge. Violent revenge.

    On Tuesday the Constitution Project released the results of their study – a 577-page report which concludes that although brutality has occurred in every American war, “the kind of considered and detailed discussions that occurred after 9/11 directly involving a president and his top advisers on the wisdom, propriety and legality of inflicting pain and torment on some detainees in our custody” was unprecedented.

    Waterboarding, chaining people to walls and keeping them awake for days on end is torture by the standards of most, but what most believe doesn’t stand in the eyes of law. It all comes back to slick wording and how the US had the power to essentially redefine “torture” into nonexistence after 9/11. According to this piece in The New York Times:

    “The core of the report, however, may be an appendix: a detailed 22-page legal and historical analysis that explains why the task force concluded that what the United States did was torture. It offers dozens of legal cases in which similar treatment was prosecuted in the United States or denounced as torture by American officials when used by other countries.”

    Any violent conflict in the world can be linked to revenge. The ongoing and often violent struggle between Thailand and Cambodia over the Preah Vihear temple? Revenge. The same can be said for most violent crime. One person upsets another and then…revenge. It’s the same philosophy as the little boy who pulls his sister’s hair because she took his toy and she took his toy because he wouldn’t share and he wouldn’t share because she never does and she never does because….

    Human biology often makes revenge our first response. Numerous studies, for example, prove how…

    “…watching/contemplating an act of vengeance triggers the brain’s reward center (not unlike the reward response for ingesting an addictive drug, or eating sugar).”

    But if the violence of history proves anything it’s that violence as an answer to itself only ensures its continuation.

    What can be said when the only thing that truly matters when it comes to torture isn’t the proof but the status of the country that tortured?

    –Photo: Lall/Flickr

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